It’s All About Me When It Comes To My Emotions – Responding Not Reacting

It’s been a challenging week for me on many levels’. I felt hurt and frustrated by a friend’s behaviour and, have had a professional organisation failed to keep their commitment, and two professionals involved in my care are leaving their posts.

I find it very difficult to be authentic and express my emotions in response to somebody’s behaviour. However, I had to say something this week so that O could remain true to myself and protect my self esteem. My friend’s behaviour isn’t the issue, it’s my feelings that I need to focus on. It doesn’t matter how you behave, that’s your choice and your right, so if I feel upset or hurt in response to your behaviour that’s my responsibility. My telling you how I feel doesn’t mean that you have to change your behaviour. As your behaviour is your responsibility you can choose whether to act differently, or continue to behave as you are. This means that you can remain true to yourself.

Self-portrait in which I photographed myself as a reflection in a mirror.
(Please click on photo for a full size image) I am slowly becoming comfortable with displaying self portraits, but I still need to cover my face.

So this week I took responsibility for my emotions and spoke to my friend about how I was feeling with regards to our friendship. I did this in a manner that owned my feelings and didn’t blame her for my emotional reaction. In order to do this I needed to give myself a couple of days to allow my emotions to calm down and so that I could prepare what I wanted to say without it being an attack on her. It would have been so easy to react but that would have been damaging to both her and myself (There have been recent news stories about students trying to get their lecturers sacked because they have differences of opinion. This behaviour is completely inappropriate because it apportions blame rather than taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, it’s also very arrogant and self righteous).

With a professional organisation letting me down my approach is firmer, more descriptive and without emotional content. They have provided me with some software called Dragon Nuance, which is voice to text software, and am using this to write this blog today. They are currently training me how to use and make the most of this technique. I had an appointment with them which they failed to keep. I’m very pleased that in both instances I have been able to respond, to take responsibility for my thoughts and feelings without resorting to criticism or blaming them for how I feel.

(Please click on photo for a larger image) Macro photography is my mindfulness. It is something that I enjoy immensely and it also calms me down.

My eating disorder therapist has been off work for several months,. We had an appointment this week, during which she informed me that she is changing role in two weeks and I won’t have a therapist until the new person is in post. On top of this, the junior psychiatrist that I have been working with whilst my therapist has been off sick, is moving onto a new rotation in two weeks and I’ll have to get used to a new doctor. My care coordinator is also changing. I feel quite vulnerable with having these three changes at the same time.

Acceptance is the answer, and the only way of responding to these changes I don’t like and that I feel unsafe with. So my response is to allow my vulnerability to be as it is, and to discuss this with my friends as often as I need to.

By Thursday afternoon my thoughts were along the lines of “what else is going to go wrong today?”. So I wrote a gratitude list and made a note of all the things that had happened during the day which I felt grateful for, I spoke with a friend, and my mood and thoughts improved. Making some macro photography also helped to keep me focused straight after my psychiatric appointment.

(Please click on the photo for a full size image) Macro photography is my mindfulness. It is something that I enjoy enormously, and it also calms me down.
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One Is Too Many And A Thousand Never Enough

A layered photo which combines several different photos of food. This is a sociology photo which is about binge eating disorder, which is an eating disorder.
(Please click on the photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders or Men get eating disorders too for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

 

Binge Eating Disorder

This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(please click on the photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders or Men get eating disorders too for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

Binge Eating Disorder

This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(please click on the photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders or Men get eating disorders too for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible

 

Binge Eating Disorder

This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(Click on photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders or Men get eating disorders too for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

Binge Eating Disorder

This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(Click on photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders or Men get eating disorders too for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

Olympus OMD EM1 MK ii – Personal Photo Projects – Making Photo’s That I know I Wont Keep

This is a photo of an Olympus OMD EM1 MK ii
This is a photo of an Olympus OMD EM1 MK ii
(Click on photo for a full size image) My latest purchase.

Having recently received a small amount of compensation I have bought an Olympus OMD EM 1 mk ii. YouTube is a wonderful place to watch tutorials so that I can get to know the camera and how to set it up. Having to camera’s means that I can choose and attach the lens at home for each camera, and hopefully not have to make any changes whilst out. This will reduce the likelihood of getting dust on the sensor. It also means that I have quick options whilst on a shoot. This will be useful at Farnborough airshow, where I want a wide-angle lens for the static aircraft and telephoto for those in the air.

Having a break from my studies until after Farnborough has been wonderful. It has meant that I have caught up with so much of my personal photography projects. I have been able to complete much of my eating disorders photography, although I have no idea how I am going to shoot for PICA or orthorexia, these are also eating disorders, but I trust my creative process.

Naturally I have been walking around with my camera strapped around my neck. It would be wrong not to right? I have been walking around the same places that I have taken many photo’s previously, as I haven’t had the opportunity to travel this past week. I was fully aware that the majority of photo’s that I was taken would be deleted, so why do it?

Photography is about observation, learning to see and gaining understanding of light conditions, and for me it’s mindfulness. If my camera is in my hand I walk slowly, I look around for opportunities to explore composition, to find something new, to spot a bug or a butterfly and to exploit light and tone. This is all good practice and makes me more intuitive as a photographer. Mostly though I love photography.

Binge Eating Disorder

This is a photo about binge eating disorder, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a socoology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(please click on the photo for a full size image) Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It can have major psychological consequences and cause serious health complications. These include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

Bulimia

 

This is a photo about bulimia, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a sociology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(please click on the photo for a full size image) Bulimia is an eating disorder and a serious mental illness. In between 10 and 20% of people with bulimia will die from this illness. It depletes electrolytes and this can induce a heart attack or organ failure. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.

Bulimia

This is a photo about bulimia, an eating disorder and serious mental illness. It is a sociology photo and is in the category of sociology photos.
(please click on the photo for a full size image) Bulimia is an eating disorder and a serious mental illness. In between 10 and 20% of people with bulimia will die from this illness. It depletes electrolytes and this can induce a heart attack or organ failure. If you think that you, or someone you care about may have an eating disorder then please seek help from your doctor. There are many eating disorder charities throughout the world. In the UK please see BEAT eating disorders for advice and support. Help is available and recovery is possible.